Swimming

We went for a night swimming. My friends and I enjoyed the cool breeze of the starry night in Alroa (that's the name of the resort). Well, I did not exactly go for a dip but as I said I enjoyed the night and the thought that I was out of home. I rarely get out of the house since vacation started.

I just don't know but I was actually afraid of leaving home after that 'incident' that happened a week ago. It frightens me til now. Having survived that, I believe it was kinda life changing. It made me change the way I look at my life now. It feels weird but I really enjoy being at home, with my mom and being alone with myself.

But I had to admit that it is suffocating at times. I need to get out to breathe some fresh air and enjoy a refreshingly new environment. I believe that everyone of us, once in our life, well, maybe more, experiences that kind of imprisonment. We feel we are being burdened by our loneliness, that it is okay to be alone. But hey, one day, we will wake up and feel heavy inside of us. That's how I am feeling at the moment.

Why? That I do not understand. There is just this loneliness that creeps inside of me. I do not know but I feel there are some disappointments too. But what are they? I am not aware of them. You know how it feels. You know it's there but you just can't tell what. And that is what I am having now.

Being in that outing should be a welcome treat for me. But far from what I thought would be a relaxing night turned out to be more stressful and unnerving. Why? How? That I cannot say. Ask me and I will just mutter: I do not know.

Life has so much unexplained emotions. We feel them. We just can't talk about them. That is the irony of our existence. We feel. We understand. Yet we do not know.

I am being drowned by my own thoughts. My heart is full of longing. Inside of me is an ocean of visions and hopes. I am in the middle of them.

Each time a splash comes out of the pool, I see myself in it. It bursts like a bubble and spreads itself into minute details. Ahh, that is how dreams are like. They burst inside of you and spread like it would conquer you.

Enough of that. I am just enjoying the lovely night with my friends.