Reflections

It was a night I would never forget til the day I die. 19th of Februry the year 2009, school grounds. The traditional school JS Prom was on. Gorgeous young men and stunning ladies donned in their best captivated the night with serene beauty and glamor. It was a night these young kids were waiting for all year long. It was a night that everyone and everything seemed to be transformed into something magical. Something that brought surrealism into the foreplay of imagination, something that allowed time to pause for a while to make a memory. And you were there. For several years now, I have been doing the emceeing for the prom. There was nothing great about that. I look at it as something to be done; so common it was for me that I thought the night would only be another usual night. As I was doing the task, I was hoping that I could make it more memorable for each one in attendance. I was keeping in my heart the prayer that you all could bring special memories after the night. The night w...

I made a mess of us. How could I say love when all I do is hurt you? An unforgivable mistake it was I had to admit. And I could never blame you. Until now I could see your tear drown face. I could sense the pain, the anger, the misery. All I could do was look at you. There was nothing to say. Defend myself I never tried to do; that would make you more miserable. I surrender my case. I pleaded guilty. Sentence me to a life of suffering without you. The night was still young when you saw me. You caught me building walls between us. Stupid, it was stupid of me not to consider you, not to think of the consequences of my actions. Yet it already happened. There was nothing I could do anymore. I'm sorry. That's all I could muster. The strength to express myself has evaded me. My thoughts were filled with anxious ideas, with guilt recollections and with pleading reckonings. Guess this is what guilt could do...imprisoned you with your own ghost. That's how I am now. That's how I...

It was already late. Sleep never wanted to disturb me from thinking. It never wanted to liberate me from the pain I was going through. I kept on thinking, thinking til I was numb. I could only feel the throbbing pain that's left after. I would have wanted to free myself from this misery. That early dose of sleep would be quite a relief. But I could not find any of that. My body was begging for some well deserved rest after a long day. Yet the day was made longer by my petty foolishness. This has been difficult for me. I know there was nothing to expect. I did not expect for your message, your email, your sms, your visit, any of that. I did not expect you to greet me on our special day. I did not expect you to show up. I did not expect you... And I expected myself to be this lonely. There was nothing I could do but to allow the tears washed the stain on my cheeks. It went down to even wash the dust that covered my neck. Til it refrained from further flowing down...the tears stopped ...