Reflections

What would you expect from someone who is alone in a far away land? Oh, he is just seated in his computer doing some office works up to the dead of the night. Hey, today is love day! I am tempted to ask what is love ? I never thought I still know what love is. It has been this way since I came. This morning when I arrived at the office, there was still no one. That means I came before the others. As each one entered, I greeted them with all vigor a Happy Valentine's day. Almost all of them laugh at the greetings. When the last expected person came, I had the same reaction. Wondering why, I asked one of my colleagues, do you celebrate Valentine here ? Then that I thought that I am not in a Catholic country. But Valentine is supposed to be a celebration of love. I just thought that love encompasses everything - belief, religion, color, race. As the day went by, I was telling everybody that today back home, most, if not all, but I guess all of them, hotels, moviehouses, restaurants, p...

Today the course of which I am the superviosr started. I had 15 participants. There was no one from Myanmar, 4 paying participants from Thailand and one from Kenya. This afternoon, I gave them the briefing and it turned out to be wonderful. Though there were those who could not communicate well with English, it should not deter them in fully participating in every session. When I was one of the particpants back in 2004, I felt the difficulty of having them as co-participants. It is as if asking them why were they here in the first place. Now that I am the supervisor, I see it in different perspectives. Language is important but should not be a barrier to communication. I told them if they could not say it, then write down. If they could not put it on papers, then make use of sign language. If still it is not possible, then use facial expressions. The thingi would like to get across at is that we have to find ways and means to express ourselves. In our first session this afternoo, I enc...

I have never been away from any of your birthdays in the past. But today I am in a distant land. I become a stranger to the people around me as they are to me. I used to think that you don't know me as I am. Stranger I become to you. Like the people who used to gather around me each day. There are things to say. There are words that need be spoken. But sometimes silence speaks better than any word conveys. I sense that I have not completely explored that part between you and me. We have not spent so much time telling things to each other. We have not spent much time on our own. I was not the one you expected me to be. I was completely different from the person you wanted me to be. Yet, I am me.There are some moments in my life that I feel you totally disown me. You have never really accepted me as who and what I am. Still I pretend that I coexist with you in harmony. At times we might be beside each other but I felt that a great distance separated us. At times I attempted to narrow...

I was too upset. I felt that nobody would like me to push through with my plans. I am the course supervisor and I believe that I should have full control (depends on what it means). For the course, I want the participants to conduct a small scale study. I have done the visit and arrangement with the principal. The group also already agreed with the plan. However, these people I am supposed to work with and who are supposed to encourage me were the ones who were so discouraging. Accordingly, there should be no course work or try-out since the course will be for four weeks only. It was agreed upon on a meeting before I came. I was never aware of such an agreement. Being unaware of whatever it was, I had the plan already made up. I presented this to the head. What he just said, if the group can do it and I think I can do it, then nobody will stop me. What an encouragement! Then there was this big fuss over a small thing. Just because they were not able to conduct a study the last time wou...

I had not known you that well. My memory of you goes back to our high school days. We sat beside each other and exchanged a few chat at times. Silent as you were, you just stayed there in that spot of the room. Your world was limited to that space unmindful of the chaos around you. I remember you as a soft-spoken and shy person. But there were times that we told stories about ourselves and things that only few people know about us. We seldom went together and had no chance of spending time together except in class. During sophomore (or was it the junior year?), I seldom saw you. And we were not that close to really bump into each other. I knew there was something wrong but young as we were I did not know how to care about other's feelings. Insensitive as I was, I never nurtured the friendship that supposed was ours. I believe that you were a friend only that we did not have the opportunity to really get into it. Times changed. Now that we cross our paths again, may the friendship o...

Today Lenten season begins. Together with the Filipino participants, I am going to attend Mass for the traditional ash-marking in the forehead. Since I am in a far away land, it is an opportunity for me to look back and reflect on how my life has been. I know I have a blessed life. I have been given so much. And I am thankful for all that come my way. There were good memories. There were sad memories even painful ones. But even the littlest detail of my life has been a lesson learned. When I picture the people who are always there for me in my mind, I just can't help but ask, have I been there for them ?In the process, there were those who came and left their marks behind yet there were those who came and left scars in my heart. Nevertheless, somewhere in my life, I have been me. I was touched. I was hurt. And nothing compares the pain of loneliness, of emptiness, of being ignored. As the season unfolds, let it be my resolve to look back and let go of the heavy burdens in my load. ...

Three years ago as the sun set as we trodded the path back home, we were there together, talking of how beautiful life is. The happiness that enveloped me was most unusual. I saw in you a different me. The memories of those times were still vivid in my mind. The words you said, the way you looked at me, the way you smiled. How could I forget the beauty of the time? It is forever etched in my heart! Now as I look back, I always picture a glorious moment. How could someone like you come into my life? You may not know it but you have changed me and transformed my life into a meaningul existence. You give me more reasons to life and to enjoy life. As I am here and you are there, miles away from each other, distance is no barrier. I sense that you think of me. I feel the warmth of your breathe. I hear the sound of your whisper. I feel you. In the midst of my loneliness and emptiness, I know you think of me. Though at the moment we are at the mercy of our trust to each other, we sacrifice th...