Dad and Mom

Today is my parents' 39th year of marriage.

They were married in 1967 and the following year I was born. Not long after my sister came the next year and another sister a year after that. Then there was a two year gap before my brother came and another two years before the youngest brother. I thought that was it but six years later, my youngest sister came. There were six children, three boys and three girls. Being the eldest, I was part of them. Vividly, I could still recall when Mom was pregnant with one of them and I would be listening to the sounds inside the womb and waiting for some actions whenever the baby moved. It excited me a lot. That is the advantage of being the eldest; I become part of them all.

Thirty nine years later and being away from home, I am reflecting on how my family had been. There were difficult and trying moments. The relationships were somewhat shaky at times. I often had misunderstandings with them. There were times that I felt I was not independent enough. There were times that I was weak, vulnerable and helpless.

Parents are parents. Often misunderstood and ignored, parents are at times taken for granted. I am asking myself that question. Have I taken them for granted? There were times I was angry, or feeling rebellious, or left alone. Yes, there were times that I asked myself whether they loved me or am I their child. Kids are like that; kids tend to pity themselves whenever confronted over something.

I still recall that moment when Dad told me that I thought I knew how it is in life. When that one moment he was so mad that he told me I was acting as if I never needed them. Now, looking at those moments, I may not be aware that I was acting like that during the time and they know it. They may be right. I might be thinking that I am good enough alone.

You know parents and children have this strange relationship. I talked to my parents as if I am talking with my colleagues. I feel that it was just fine. Maybe to me but I do not know how they feel about it.

I was born with asthma. Mom as a doctor would tell me later how frightened she was when she found about it the first time. She thought I was jaundiced, whatever that means. My father had to learn how to give an injection so he could give me one each time I had bouts of asthma. Oh, I remember those times when my dad would be standing beside my hospital bed so worried about me. Mom could not even give me an injection. She asked the nurse to do it and she just held my hands. I was crying and and I could still feel the difficulty. I was grasping for breathe, for comfort, for life. Yet the two most significant persons in my life were beside me.

There was a day when I was hospitalized and I was surprised that all my siblings, my aunties and uncles, my cousins, even my classmates came to visit me. I asked them, am I dying, why are you all here? to their astonishment. I often saw that in movies that loved ones surround the dying in bed. I thought of that. Funny, though.

Dad and Mom sacrificed so much for me and my siblings. They have given up some of their dreams to give way to ours. They sent us to the best schools to get the best education. Mom needed to travel from the province to Manila to attend PTA meetings. There was a time when my mom came and she invited me out for a movie with dad. And I told her I could not because I had a chemistry quiz the following day. Until now, I regretted not having said yes. I do not know why. I should have gone with them to the movies. I want them to know that if I could only turn the hands of time back to that one night then we would enjoy the movie. I hope I still have the time to enjoy movies with them. And when I get home I will make it sure that it will happen.

Dad and Mom, thanks for the love and the life you have given me and the others. I know there is so much that both of you have given up for us. And I never want to attempt to pay you back because there is nothing that will amount to it, not even approximate it. It is something that mathematics won't be able to determine.

I would just like you to know that all the things I do and all that I am, I do them and I become them because I want you to be proud of me. I want to be the son that you always want me to be, that someone you can depend on and someone that will show the world that you have been good parents.

Dad and Mom, I love you.