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Over

It's over.
You said it's over.
And there's nothing I could do about it.

I thought what we have knows no bound nor time nor space.
I thought what matters most is us, the two of us together.
I thought we are forever.

It was just that...a thought.
I just thought what it was not.

Then I thought it was kinda unfair.
It was easier to make promises.
We promised to stay with each other through all the difficulties.
We promised to be there for each other.
We promised each one a commitment to be there, just be there.

They were just promises. I had better thought of that.

But the easier we made those promises,
it's much easier to deny them,
to pretend that they were not even spoken,
to forget that it was even made.

I cried.
What would you expect from me?
Tears accompany me in my trying times.
Tears allow me to conquer the misery that envelopes me.
Tears enliven the dying me.

The pain engulfs me as if I was trapped in the midst of nowhere.
I could not even utter a word.
The moment you said that it's over, my body felt a different sensation.
Or was it numbness? Indescribable.
There was nothing to describe how it felt.
The intense pain that immediately covered the whole of me was something
I would not imagine to happen.

So sudden. It was all of a sudden.
Again, I thought the laughter and the sweet whispers meant more than they were,
but I was wrong.
They were empty.
They were just decoys.

I am not sure I can handle this.
I know I am coping.
I have to. Don't worry.
Time will tell I have conquered my fears, my misery, myself.

I have not asked anything in return...only to have you in my life.
But that also seems too much.

I may have wronged you.
And I do not want to say I deserve this.
I may.

But that is cowardice already.
I do not want to surrender to that fate.
I may lose you.
And I am fully aware of that.
I already lost you.

No matter what you say or do.
No matter what there is between us.
You may despise me, ignore me, or betray me.
That is beyond me.

Yet I still have the liberty to love.
And nobody can say otherwise, not even you.

It may be over for now.
And I am getting over you.
But love may come knocking on my door.
Someday.
And I'll wait.

Til the pain in my heart knows nothing about it.

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