Far From Home

It was the first birthday I spent away from home, from my family, from my loved ones, from friends, from the familiar environment.

Early in the morning, I went out to attend Mass in Our Lady of Sorrows Church in Macalister Road. It was past 7:30 and the bus was moving like a turtle. I was already late for the Mass. But I prayed that I made it in time. And that was the first blessing of the day!

Around 9, I made it to the office. When I was at the door, my colleagues greeted me and sang a birthday song for me. There was a box of cake in the table. Someone lighted the candle and I was made to blow the small flame and made a wish. Whosh!Memories came rushing by.When I was about to slice a piece of the cake, tears welled up in my eyes. Not wanting to burst out, I kept my form and when I could not hold it any longer...there was I remembering the past birthdays when I was surrounded by people dear to me. Gosh, this is how it feels celebrating birthday far from them.

We opted for pizza for lunch at Pizza Hut in TESCO. My colleagues went with me: Ate Chona, Foo Lay Kuan, Mr. Lee, Simon, Annamalai, Dr. Ida, Dr. Wahyudi, Miss Suan See and Ms. Sue Si. We had a nice time eating pizza and taking photos.

Simon gave me a box of underwear for a present. The funny thing about it is the message. Along side the picture of the man which shows him wearing it, the message says: for you on your birthday, take care of it. We had a big laugh at that.

Birthdays are opportunities to reflect and make resolutions. They are time to look at how life has been and what more can be done to infuse meaning to it. Birthdays are holidays to take a respite from the usual routine and divert your attention to who and what you are. They are the best times to give thanks for all the blessings received and make amends to whatever wrongs done.

Birthdays are special days. There are memories that go with it. There are expectations. There are frustrations. There are laughters. There are tears.

Memorable this day has been. Friends made it sure that I would be happy. And I was so glad they were with me.

Yet inside of me is a void. Don't ask me why. Don't know what. I feel that deep within me is an ocean of memories but within that ocean lies a hole. And that hole keeps overpowering me.

With each tear that falls is a lingering memory that matters. I am imprisoned by the haunting thoughts of waiting. Expecting that someone might just come by and drop a greeting. Today anyway is my birthday. Spare me that moment.