Never Thought

You are my friend. And this friendship means so much to me. You have shown me how to deal with my emptiness, with my loneliness, with myself. I won't do anything that will harm this friendship, anything that will ruin the bond that keeps us as we are. I will in my best capacity remain the same person as you know me as I am. Nothing will get in our way and I will never allow anything to do so.

You were the first person whosaid that we are happy together, thatI do not have to worry because you only have me, that you are mine, that I have to trust youand be happy with it.

My friend, I believe you. Deep inmy heartare scores of pains created by thepast. These pains taught me more than books have ever done. Embedded in my consciousness is the fact that I am not immune to more painsthat will come my way.But I want you to know that I may not be a warrior yet I can be ashield. I may not be a sword but Ican be a mighty pen.I may not be your lover yet I will remain your friend.

In my past I have encountered so much, though I am still prepared tomore. Timeswere there when I felt I could not take itany further, when I felt that the world has ignored me and my life has just become a speck in its vastness. I dostillfeel the same. Then you came into my life. Apparently something has changed.

Like asolution to a mathematical problem, you revise the way it should be done. You show me an alternativemethod of doing so. You came at a time when I needed some shoulders to lean on, somehands to holdwith, some smiles to sparkle my days.

And we become as we are. As days go by, I can feel that you are getting deep within me. On the other hand, I can sense that you are also traversinga different path. How could that be? It is quite frightening.

We both can feel. We both know. We both deny.

Still the laughters, the togetherness, the friendship remain. Uncorrupted by whatever we refuse to admit to ourselves, we let it be. You are there for me. I am there for you.

I know I am hiding. How long could I bear it? How long could I conceal the feelings? Will my eyes not betray me? Will my smiles protect me?

Loving you is perhaps more complicated than being your friend. So I just become who am I to you and somehow forget what am I and how I feel about you.

This friendship is an escape. It enables me to be free from my innermost doubts and allows me to create a world of my own. Yet it is so real that I could feel the pain, and that what makes it more beautiful.

My friend, I never thought that it could happen. And here I am. Despite the struggles, I know I am bound to fail again.