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A year later

Uneasy. That was how I felt during the day. I could not fathom why. There must be something but really I could not remember any.

Earlier, a week ago, I knew it was coming. It reminded me of the most painful part of my life. And probably that causes my grief. Until now. After a year.

Today is your graduation day. What a time to think about it? And it is also the day we separated a year ago. Isn't it too tiring? Having both goodbyes on the same date? Hehe, just trying to sound funny.

Then, in the midst of my uneasiness, I watched your photos, I played our songs, I reminisced that very night, I cried. It was terrible. It happened all of a sudden. One lousy night, one stupid fight, and everything was gone. What has love got to do with it? I thought we were inseparable. But that night proved us wrong.

I do not know what to think of us, of you. All I know is to go on living, and loving. But how do you love again when there is so much pain in your heart? My heart longs for the same love I used to know. There is no other one. And there will be no other love.

You were the one I promised my love to. You were the one I am supposed to be with forever. But again, forever is a myth. Once I said, forever is created by those they thought they were in love. Forever is an illusion. It elopes you once you caught it. And suddenly you realized it is not for real.

What pain could linger when there is so much? There is nothing to feel anymore. I do not already know the feeling when it is not there. I am in pain. Still the pain is too much to bear.

I understand you. There is so much ahead of you in life. Especially now. Maybe that's what makes it more difficult. Thinking that we would spend the rest of this lifetime together. But there was no us anymore. Aghhh.

How I dream of preparing for the morning when we would be getting ready to go? How I dream of waiting for you at night? How I dream for your messages and your call? How lovely those dreams were? Yet they will remain just that, merely dreams.

Goodbye may be a consolation. Letting go is another. Whatever it may, you now have your life. I still have mine. But part of it goes with you.

I wish you the best in life.

And when destiny bridges to make our paths cross again someday, I hope I am over you. It does not matter, I know I will not get over you. But don't worry. I am good at pretending. Charade is the name of the game.

I am happy for you. Deep inside of me is a longing to be with you again. Love, I still hold it in my heart. But your love already belongs to someone else. Be happy. Succeed.

What you make of me is my gift to you, what you make of your life is your gift to me. I love you, ma. And forever will not suffice to love you.


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