Skip to main content

Unleashed

I don't miss you. Don't txt me please.
(di kta miz,d0nt txt me pls,)
jm_1024: (May 08, 2009 00:45:58)

I expect that. This is not about having you back but I'm trying to salvage whatever is left of us. If this is it, then let be. thank you for everything. take care. good luck. I'm just around here.

Early in the morn of supposedly our fifth month, we had this exchange. What a way to start the day!?

Every memory came rushing back before me. Every moment, every word, everything about you, about us. Then tears began to show. Is this the way it would end?

At one point in my life, I know I screwed up. I admit that. And ever since I never tried to win you back. I never asked you to stay. But deep in my heart, hidden between my words and the things I do, I want you here.

I did my best for you, for us. But how would I hold on when there's no us anymore? I'm never giving up on you, on us. But I do not want to keep myself hurting. I do not want to wait and expect that someday you would be back.

It does not matter if you are not here. I still hold you in my heart. I still believe in us.

The pain lingers. The memory lives on. Each time I close my eyes I see the days I spent with you. And probably the best days of my life.

This is not goodbye nor letting you go.
I am here. Waiting for you. Waiting for love to come around.

I save a space for you in my heart.
Thinking that love will melt away the pain.


I let the pain be.
They remind me of you.

And maybe, somewhere, there is us.
In my dreams. In my heart.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Swimming

We went for a night swimming. My friends and I enjoyed the cool breeze of the starry night in Alroa (that's the name of the resort). Well, I did not exactly go for a dip but as I said I enjoyed the night and the thought that I was out of home. I rarely get out of the house since vacation started. I just don't know but I was actually afraid of leaving home after that 'incident' that happened a week ago. It frightens me til now. Having survived that, I believe it was kinda life changing. It made me change the way I look at my life now. It feels weird but I really enjoy being at home, with my mom and being alone with myself. But I had to admit that it is suffocating at times. I need to get out to breathe some fresh air and enjoy a refreshingly new environment. I believe that everyone of us, once in our life, well, maybe more, experiences that kind of imprisonment. We feel we are being burdened by our loneliness, that it is okay to be alone. But hey, one day, we will wake u...

Ash Wednesday

Today Lenten season begins. Together with the Filipino participants, I am going to attend Mass for the traditional ash-marking in the forehead. Since I am in a far away land, it is an opportunity for me to look back and reflect on how my life has been. I know I have a blessed life. I have been given so much. And I am thankful for all that come my way. There were good memories. There were sad memories even painful ones. But even the littlest detail of my life has been a lesson learned. When I picture the people who are always there for me in my mind, I just can't help but ask, have I been there for them ?In the process, there were those who came and left their marks behind yet there were those who came and left scars in my heart. Nevertheless, somewhere in my life, I have been me. I was touched. I was hurt. And nothing compares the pain of loneliness, of emptiness, of being ignored. As the season unfolds, let it be my resolve to look back and let go of the heavy burdens in my load. ...

Been Some Time

It took me some time to make another entry. Not that I am busy. I do not even admit that to myself. Not that I do not have the time. I have all the time I need. Not that I do not have anything to write about. So many things have happened in between. Just can't explain the lull. Maybe I am just too lazy to put my thoughts down. Anyway nobody cares or bothers. But I told myself what the heck. This gives me the impetus to go on living and live I will. There are pains. I felt pains. I am still having them now. I think the pain will stay. Whatever causes the pains, that I could not understand. Sometimes it is self-inflicted. I deserve it. For not knowing how to handle life, I deserve all the pains. That is gross. It's unfair. I thought I was doing myself justice. But why do I have to punish myself for being what I am? I have my limitations, my strengths, my weakness. I am well aware of them. I could not help it when I would not be accepted as I am. I just let be. As I ponder on the ...